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Perving the Grinch

Several years ago I wrote a post called Perving Dr. Seuss, and one of the stories I altered was The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. Since it is Christmas Eve, I thought I’d repost that part here. Enjoy, and Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all my readers!

Every one in Porn Valley liked fucking a lot.
But the Grinch, who lived out of the valley, did not!

The Grinch hated fucking! The sucking and tease.
He hated the anal and mass expertise.

It could be he never had played with his cock
Or toyed with his prostate or came in a sock.

I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his dick was two sizes too small.

But whatever the reason, his lack or his size,
He stood on the hill wishing for their demise.

For he knew everyone in the valley below
Was getting a clit licking now, or a blow.

“And they’re cumming on camera!” he snarled with a sneer.
“They’re fucking and sucking and banging out here.”

Then he growled with his fingers just stroking his balls,
“I must find a way to put an end to it all!

When the actors were sleeping he made his way down,
Like a coward in the night he snuck into the town.

He made his way carefully into each house,
He went on his tiptoes as quiet as a mouse.

And he stole all the dildos! Vibrators and things!
He took batteries! Lube! And he stole the cock rings!

He took all the fleshlights! He took the butt plug!
The condoms, the movies, all that he could lug!

Then he went back to his place, nastily humming,
“They’re finding out now that no one will be coming!

They’ll all cry and sob, all their toys are now gone.
Now they won’t get off anytime soon. And I will have won!”

With one hand on his cock and one hand to his ear,
The Grinch waited to hear sobs of misfortune and fear.

And he did hear a sound, but instead of bemoaning,
Twas the sound of so many down there intently coming!

He hadn’t stopped orgasms, the people they CAME!
Without any toys they came just the same!

And he puzzled about it until he was blue,
And he realized something that to him was new.

“They don’t need the extras, they don’t need the toys!
They just like having sex and creating the noise!”
And what happened then? In the valley they say
That the Grinch’s small cock grew three sizes that day!

He raced to the valley, he joined in the fun.
And he fucked and he sucked and he licked everyone.

Now all in Porn Valley liked fucking a lot.
And the Grinch, why the Grinch, he gave more than he got!

TMI Tuesday: Joy In Sex

1. What is the most annoying thing to you during foreplay or sex?
Hmmm…there are a lot of annoying things, but I think the most annoying is when it feels like they’re going through the motions and they’re not very into it. That tends to make me not very into it, which is never a good thing.

2. Tell us something you really wanted to do but let someone talk you out of when deep down you wanted to do it?
I think most recently going to DisneyWorld instead of Universal Studios. I think spending Christmas there would have been fun, and I should have stuck to my guns.

3. During sex are you more orgasm-centered or going for an all out enjoyable experience with connection?
It depends.  I love to have an enjoyable experience, and connect, but I also really love the release of having a few orgasms.

4. When was the last time you sought to introduce new activities in the bedroom? What did you want to introduce? Did you and your lover do the new sexual activity?
It’s been a while. Introducing all kinds of crazy toys was kind of routine (it helped that I was reviewing and getting some interesting stuff). Some bondage play was one of the biggest things I introduced, and we did that quite a bit.

5. Finish the sentence: I would enjoy spending an entire day alone watching porn and masturbating and being as loud as I wanted to be .

Bonus: If you had to sum up the internet in one word, what would it be?
Addictive.

 

 

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Smut Marathon Round 1: Metaphorically Speaking

butterfly emerging from a chrysalis

©2017 Sammi Lou Thorne

This year, I entered the Smut Marathon. What a challenge it’s been! We’re on round 6 right now, and I’m excited to have made it this far. All of the prompts are interesting, and some are harder than others.

For the first round, our assignment was to write an erotic metaphor. The metaphor could only be one sentence, and no longer than 30 words. This is a lot harder than it sounds. First, you don’t want to do something trite or well-used. Second, it’s a lot easier to write a simile.

I struggled with this one, and finally came up with my entry. I’m still not sure if I like it or not, but I felt at the very least it got my feet wet writing for a prompt with a very low word count. Here is my metaphor, entitled “Metamorphosis”:

Every thrust of your cock changes me; my orgasm is a butterfly emerging from its cocoon, spreading its wings wide once released to fly with graceful wonder from my soul.

There were 75 entries for Round 1, and I know I had trouble picking which ones to vote for.  There was a lot of feedback, and it was constructive to read the comments for all of the entries to get tips on what worked and what didn’t. It was definitely a learning experience!

I was looking forward to the challenge that Round 2 would bring.

smut marathon 2018

 

 

Happy New Year!

fireworks

©2015, Sammi Lou Thorne

2017 was an interesting, roller-coaster sort of year. I took my first trip out of the country to Costa Rica, which was absolutely amazing, and also another trip to Disney World – I’m actually there right now, recovering after an amazing night at Epcot ringing in the new year.  I had a good year health-wise and exercise-wise, but didn’t accomplish quite as much as I hoped to the past twelve months. Many of my resolutions are the same as in years past, and I’m hoping that this year I have enough resolve to see them through.

This year I resolve to:
1. Post more on my blog, and comment more on other blogs. This is a resolution I’ve made the past few years, and I usually start out pretty well before life gets busy.

2. Write, write, write! I did write some last year, but I’ve slacked off and not sent in as many submissions as I wanted to. This year, I am going to be watching for submission calls and submitting more.

3. Get better organized. This seems to show up every year in my resolutions, and I typically fail miserably. I made a semi-decent start last year, as I’ve been ebay-ing things and actually making a dent. This year I plan to get my storage shed emptied out and really clean things up.

4. Get in better shape. Yet another resolution that shows up every year. I did good with this last year – I didn’t make as much progress as I wanted, but progress was definitely made. I feel better, and I’m really going to make a push for this year.

5. Have more sex. Last, but certainly not least! I don’t think I’ve reached the point where I can’t have more – there’s certainly room for improvement and addition!

I hope everyone has a Happy and Successful  New Year!

Merry Christmas!

Christmas tree of lights at Disneyworld.

©2015, Sammi Lou Thorne

This was probably one of the most amazing things I’ve seen – the Osborne Family Spectacle of Dancing Lights at Disneyworld! It was absolutely beautiful, and I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen so many lights – it was like daylight outside.

No regular posts from me this week – but I’m wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and a happy holiday!