Where you lead, I will follow….
2. Where do you most often toss or keep your excess change (coins)?
I’ve got some giant pepsi/beer plastic bottles – about 3 foot high – that’s where all change goes. Occasionally I’ll dump it out and change in everything but the pennies.
3. If someone wrote a book about your past lovers and past sex life, which category fits best:
a. Abnormal psychology book
b. Steamy romance novel
c. Sad sad story
That’s a tough one, but I suppose it would be a) Abnormal psychology book.
4. Some say sex is like driving. Pretend you are a car. Are you: rear, front or all-wheel drive?
Ha – definitely all-wheel drive here.
5. What is it that you do daily that you would like to stop doing?
Falling to sleep early at night. I’d like to stay up much later than I do.
6. What is the biggest lie you ever told to get someone into bed or the biggest lie you ever told in bed?
That’s one I’m never telling.
Bonus: If married, who was interested in marriage first, you or your spouse?
Huh….I think he did, but I really don’t remember who brought it up first!
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It’s not that I have an aversion to fucking on grass – in the backyard and at the park under a shady tree is divine, as is the middle of a football or baseball field late at night under the stars. But having sex in a graveyard, potentially on top of a corpse, just isn’t for me. I feel it’s sacrilegious for one thing – I wouldn’t want to find two people getting it on in front (or on top of) my parents’ graves. And I watch way too many movies to be comfortable with the idea.
When I think of sex in a graveyard, I always think of zombies, their bodies lying beneath the dirt in various states of decay, waiting for Hell to fill, or a priest to hang himself in the Dunwich, so they can walk the Earth.
Imagine: it’s late at night, and only the moon lights the tombstones. You lead me, unwillingly, down the shadowed path, with the only sound the rustle of the leaves as they’re caressed by a soft wind. The shadows are ominous, and you guide me to the grass in front of a grave marker…we kiss, and I give in: I take off my shirt and lie back on the grass. Your mouth kisses mine, then works its way down my body, your breath hot on my skin as I shiver in the moonlight. Your hands cup my ass through my jeans and squeeze as you work at the button on my pants with your teeth.
I have my eyes closed, and, lost in the feeling, as your hands caress my breasts I wonder how they can be in two places at once. Your fingers feel rough on my nipples, and I begin to notice an earthy smell, with something darker underneath. I sit up with a shriek, startling you. The hands hold my breasts tight, and the rotting fingers dig into my tender skin. Now I feel the bony ribs on my back and the dead breath on my neck; I hear the teeth chattering in a decomposing skull. You pull me free, and we run, praying the moon isn’t hidden by clouds. It might have been better if it were, as we see the corpses rising from the ground, clawing their way from the grave, and the cemetery becomes filled with the cries of the dead….
No matter how amorous or horny I was, I would not be able to keep thoughts like that out of my head…my imagination would run wild, and I would see the decaying bodies, and start to hum: “…the worms crawls in, the worms crawl out…” At which point I’d either giggle or scream, and either would totally kill the mood.
Can we go to the football field now?
2. You are being auctioned off. What is your unique selling point?
Hmmm….this is a tough one. I guess my unique selling point would be that I mishear song lyrics to an extreme, and have some wickedly funny ones that kind of make sense.
3. On a scale of 1-5 how many stars did your mom or dad give your current significant other or your favorite, longest lasting love? (1 is bad, 5 is great)
I think initially they gave him a 3, but then it quickly progressed to a 5.
4. Most of the meals I eat are:?
a. Cooked in a microwave?
b. Cooked in the oven/stove?
c. Made by someone else
Although I have a fair amount cooked in the microwave, I’d say most of them are b) cooked in the oven/stove.
5. When work and life stress me out, nothing relieves the tension like _lifting weights. I learned this years ago, and it’s such an amazing way to work out tension, hostility and stress_.
Bonus (create your own): What’s the worst misunderstood song lyric you’ve ever been guilty of singing?
The one my friends think is the funniest is from the song “Zoot Suit Riot” by the Cherry Poppin’ Daddies. I always thought the lyrics were: “Who’s that whispering in the tree? It’s two satyrs and they’re horny.”
The one I always thought was the best was from The Who: “M&M’s Fuck”
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Happy 2015! January here is starting off with crazy cold, snow, and lots of wind, so it’s a great time to hunker indoors and enjoy a few sex toys. This month, I’m back to rabbits, and I was excited to try out Cal Exotics’ Impress Tongue, with its interesting control pad, which I received free for review as part of their Sexpert program.
The Impress Tongue comes in a white box with the toy visible through a front window. A picture and product information are on the back. The box has a magnetic closure, making the box good for storage if you don’t mind it being visible through the lid. Inside the box, the Impress rests in a plastic tray, and under the tray are three small instruction manuals, one specific to the Impress Tongue operation.
This vibrator is made of silicone (except the battery cover, which is made of ABS plastic covered with a PU Cote) and comes in pink, blue, and purple. I received mine in pink, and it’s a bright, bubble-gum shade. The silicone is slick and smooth to the touch with no drag, and the tip and clit arm have just a bit of give when squeezed.
The Impress Tongue is a nice-looking rabbit vibrator, with sleek lines. It’s 9 1/2” long overall, with its shaft being flattened and broader than thick. The shaft is 4 1/4” insertable and about 1 1/2” across. The clit arm is 1 1/2” long, and about 1 1/4” wide, and is flexible out from the toy’s body. This vibrator has dual bullets, one located in the tip of the shaft, and one located in the clit arm.
On the back the toy is the battery compartment. The cover slides off, and 3 AAA batteries can easily be inserted. Once the battery lid is firmly seated back in place, the Impress Tongue is waterproof and can be used in the shower or tub.
The Impress Tongue has 3 buttons, as well as a pressure sensitive control pad. Below the clit arm, the top button is a dedicated on/off button, so you can get started or shut down in a hurry. It has an LED light behind the button to indicate when the toy is on. Below this button are two others. The left button is a pattern button – once the Tongue is turned on, pressing this button will cycle through 12 functions and patterns – some of these have both motors in sync, and others alternate between the shaft and arm. The control pad is essentially a large, squishy pad area below the buttons. When the Tongue is on any pattern, squeezing the pad hard will increase the intensity of the vibrations (depending on how hard you squeeze), and releasing the pad, or squeezing lightly, will lessen the vibration strength. If you like to vary the strength, you can squeeze and release during use. If, however, you like a certain intensity, simply press the right button once while still squeezing the pad – this will lock the Tongue on that intensity. To unlock, press the lock button again. The vibrations are somewhat buzzy, and they are musical, yet pretty quiet – any sort of background noise should hide the Tongue’s use.
This is an easy to clean vibrator: simply wash before use with antibacterial soap and warm water (or use toy wipes or a toy cleaner), then dry. It can be stored in its box, or in a toybag. Water-based lube is recommended; if you prefer silicone or hybrid lubes, do a spot test towards the bottom of the shaft first.
So, Does It Work? This is an interesting rabbit vibrator, with both pros and cons for me. I like the size and shape of the shaft quite a bit – it’s easy to insert and feels good inside. Having dual bullets is also good – the one in the shaft has a good placement for me. The clit arm is short for me – it needs to be just a bit longer to really hit my clit like it should. The dedicated on/off button is good, as I dislike having to hold a button for a few seconds to turn off a toy. Since this uses 3 AAA batteries, it isn’t a powerhouse in the vibration department, although the vibrations are decently strong, especially on high.
The big, new feature of this rabbit is, of course, the touch pad. I like this idea quite a bit – it’s a large pad, and it’s easy to squeeze. It’s fun to adjust the intensity up and down by squeezing and releasing. I do like that is has a lock button to lock the speed, but it is a bit tricky, especially initially, to hit the right button – I kept finding myself hitting the pattern button instead, which meant, if I didn’t like the pattern, I had to either cycle through or turn the toy off and then back on and cycle. Once I got the hang of it, it was easier to hit lock, but I think a different button placement might have worked better. I would love to try this pad on other toys.
Thank you to Cal Exotics for sending this to me for free to review as part of their Sexpert program! If you’re looking for a battery-powered rabbit with a variety of functions and intensity levels, moderately strong power, and moderate size, the Impress Tongue is a good one to check out. You can find the Tongue, and other vibrators in the Cal Exotics’ Impress line, at SheVibe.
This product was provided to me for free in exchange for an unbiased review. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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