Will I have to write you a ticket? There are Dangerous Curves Ahead, and I’m Slippery When Wet….
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Smut Marathon
Lelo
Tantus
Good Vibrations
Tabu Toys
Tag Archives: Stories
TMI Tuesday: Happy Hour
By Charles.Clavadetscher (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
Time for fun and cheesy pick up lines at TMI Tuesday Happy Hour!
At the TMI Tuesday bar someone walks up to you and utters the following lines, Tell us how you would respond.
I really am terrible at comebacks (although slightly better if I’m a bit tipsy), but here goes:
1. Would you like to fake an orgasm with me tonight?
No, I’d rather have a real orgasm now.
2. Did you just fart because you are blowing me away?
No, that was just me blowing you off.
3. You’re hot. I’m ugly. Let’s make average babies. (Would you accept?)
I’d roll my eyes and pass.
4. I’d like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then move up to your belly button.
But I don’t have a belly button.
5. You must work at Subway, ’cause you just gave me a footlong.
Prove it, or it didn’t happen.
6. You look like a hard worker, I have an opening you can fill.
I’m already employed.
7. I don’t feel good, I think I need a shot of penis-illin.
I think I need a rabies shot.
8. If I told you I worked for UPS, would you let me handle your package?
If you didn’t mind me tossing it over the fence.
Bonus: Belly up to the bar. What’s your pleasure? Which one drink would you order and why?
Slippery Nipple? No one can miss the innuendo in this drink’s name. It is comprised of equal parts Bailey’s Irish Cream and butterscotch schnapps. There are many different drink names that start with ‘Slippery’, most contain either Bailey’s Irish Cream or butterscotch schnapps.
After Sex? This drink is made with vodka, crème de bananas, and orange juice.
Leg Spreader? Not for the faint of heart, there is nothing but liquor in this drink. It is made of four equal parts of nothing but alcohol: tequila, vodka, gin, and rum. Proceed with caution!
All Night Long? The inference in this name is probably what most people wish for, but one or two or these will have you passed out on the floor all night long. It contains sweet and sour mix, coconut rum, Kahlua, crème de cacao, and pineapple juice.
Sloe Comfortable Screw ?There are many drinks that play upon the pronunciation of sloe gin—pronounced slow gin. The rest of the name is a pun on all the other ingredients as well, to create a name that is as suggestive as you could want. Sloe gin for ‘slow,’ Southern Comfort for ‘comfortable,’ and orange juice and vodka for ‘screw’—as in a Screwdriver.
If I were just picking one, I’d go for All Night Long. I think I could both drink that all night, and fuck all night. But in the morning, we’d have to have an After Sex. I wonder if there’s one called Before Sex?
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Wicked Wednesday: Doubt
I have doubts sometimes, about many things…life, worth, the future…but I do not doubt your love for me…or mine for you…
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TMI Tuesday: Sexy Times
Sexting, or phone sex?
1. You walk into a party full of friends. One of them suddenly and quickly strips down naked. Which area of your naked friend’s body do you check out first?
It would depend which friend it was….and if they were facing me or turned away. I imagine that I’d be checking out my girlfriend’s breasts, or my guy friend’s penis. Just to see….
2. Have you ever masturbated in bed when a platonic friend or relative was sleeping in the same room or bed?
A relative, no – but a platonic friend, yes. When I was in college I lived in the dorms, and the first year I had a female roommate. The room’s were pretty small, and there wasn’t a lot of privacy, so when she’d be asleep at night and I couldn’t wait, I would masturbate and quietly cum. I suspect she often did the same thing.
3. When was the first time you had a nocturnal orgasm aka a wet dream??(Yes women have wet dreams read more…)
The first time? I honestly don’t remember – I’d imagine sometime when I was in high school. I do have these still…
4. Have you ever been caught naked by someone?
Yes, a few times. The most memorable was probably this: one time at a party, my husband and I (this was before we were married) snuck off to the bathroom, and after some foreplay he had me bent over the tub and was fucking me from behind…apparently we forgot to lock the door, and another friend of ours burst in…and didn’t exit as fast as I would have liked at the time.
5. Think of your dearest friend, do you think they are sexy? Why or why not?
They are sexy. A lot of it has to do with confidence and attitude – these are the things that I think make her truly sexy.
6. If you had no choice, how many days do you think you could abstain from sex including masturbation?
Including masturbation? I could probably hold out for a month…and then watch out.
Bonus: What gets you wet faster, phone sex or sexting?
Oh, no question – definitely phone sex. I love to sext, but on the phone, when you can hear the desire in their voice, and their breathing speeding up…that alone can get me wet…and when you add in what they say, I can practically cum without even touching myself. And I love to talk on the phone…
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Posted in TMI Tuesday
Tagged Fantasy, Sex, Stories, tmi tuesday
TMI Tuesday: Sexual Practices
![By chensiyuan (chensiyuan) [GFDL or CC-BY-SA-3.0-2.5-2.0-1.0], via Wikimedia Commons](http://funwithsammi.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/1_singapore_zoo_white_tigers_mating_2012.jpg)
By chensiyuan (chensiyuan) [GFDL or CC-BY-SA-3.0-2.5-2.0-1.0], via Wikimedia Commons
Is it possible to have too much sex? I suppose if it’s interfering with other things in life (like eating and sleeping) it might be too much, but otherwise I don’t think there’s enough hours in the day to have sex.
2. According to the Kinsey Institute, 18-29 year olds have sex an average of 112 times per year, 30-39 year olds an average of 86 times per year, and 40-49 year olds an average of 69 times per year (how appropriate!)
a. Which group of averages would you prefer to belong?
I’d prefer to be in the 18-29 average, if I had to pick from just these.
b. Based on your age (if listed), find your group above. Would you say you are well below, pretty close to or high above your group’s average for having sex per year?
I’d say I’m well above my group’s average. Well above all the groups’ averages, actually.
3. Swinging (defined here)– have you tried it? Will you try it? Do you hope/wish to try it before you die?
I’ve never tried swinging. If my husband was open to it and we found an appropriate couple, then I might try it…it’s not like it’s anything on my bucket list, though.
4. What is “having sex”? According to YOU and prior to this TMI Tuesday did you consider:?
– Masturbation as having sex? Yes or No
– Performing oral sex as having sex? Yes or No
I usually consider having sex to be…well, having sex…penetration, either vaginally or anally, and hopefully with foreplay. I don’t call masturbation having sex, even though it is having sex with myself. Oral sex for me is rarely on its own – it’s part of the whole sex package.
5. When was the last time you received oral sex?
This morning.
Bonus: What is it?
It looks like a fertility statue, from some old culture. I’d guess it’s maybe Etruscan?
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