By Charles.Clavadetscher (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
Time for fun and cheesy pick up lines at TMI Tuesday Happy Hour!
At the TMI Tuesday bar someone walks up to you and utters the following lines, Tell us how you would respond.
I really am terrible at comebacks (although slightly better if I’m a bit tipsy), but here goes:
1. Would you like to fake an orgasm with me tonight?
No, I’d rather have a real orgasm now.
2. Did you just fart because you are blowing me away?
No, that was just me blowing you off.
3. You’re hot. I’m ugly. Let’s make average babies. (Would you accept?)
I’d roll my eyes and pass.
4. I’d like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then move up to your belly button.
But I don’t have a belly button.
5. You must work at Subway, ’cause you just gave me a footlong.
Prove it, or it didn’t happen.
6. You look like a hard worker, I have an opening you can fill.
I’m already employed.
7. I don’t feel good, I think I need a shot of penis-illin.
I think I need a rabies shot.
8. If I told you I worked for UPS, would you let me handle your package?
If you didn’t mind me tossing it over the fence.
Bonus: Belly up to the bar. What’s your pleasure? Which one drink would you order and why?
Slippery Nipple? No one can miss the innuendo in this drink’s name. It is comprised of equal parts Bailey’s Irish Cream and butterscotch schnapps. There are many different drink names that start with ‘Slippery’, most contain either Bailey’s Irish Cream or butterscotch schnapps.
After Sex? This drink is made with vodka, crème de bananas, and orange juice.
Leg Spreader? Not for the faint of heart, there is nothing but liquor in this drink. It is made of four equal parts of nothing but alcohol: tequila, vodka, gin, and rum. Proceed with caution!
All Night Long? The inference in this name is probably what most people wish for, but one or two or these will have you passed out on the floor all night long. It contains sweet and sour mix, coconut rum, Kahlua, crème de cacao, and pineapple juice.
Sloe Comfortable Screw ?There are many drinks that play upon the pronunciation of sloe gin—pronounced slow gin. The rest of the name is a pun on all the other ingredients as well, to create a name that is as suggestive as you could want. Sloe gin for ‘slow,’ Southern Comfort for ‘comfortable,’ and orange juice and vodka for ‘screw’—as in a Screwdriver.
If I were just picking one, I’d go for All Night Long. I think I could both drink that all night, and fuck all night. But in the morning, we’d have to have an After Sex. I wonder if there’s one called Before Sex?
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