Tag Archives: Halloween

You’ll Mostly Cum at Night…Mostly


It’s time for my third Fleshlight Freaks review this October! Fleshlight made five of these cool monster-themed dildos in all, each with a different design and texture, and each fun for the monster-lover in all of us. All five dildos come in a black box with spooky green lettering that showcases the contained Freak through the front. They’re not for everyone, but worth a look if you like unusual, large, and interestingly shaped and textured toys. In case you missed them, so far this month I’ve reviewed the Dracula and the Zombie. Up this time is the beautiful blue Alien.

alienaloneThe Alien is probably the prettiest of the Freaks dildos. It’s a beautiful shimmery turquoise blue, with clean lines and light texture. If it were black, it might remind me of the Giger alien, but with its almost cheery hue, it’s easier to imagine it attached to one of the large blue aliens from Avatar.

This dildo is about 7 3/4″ long, with 6 1/2″ insertable, and it’s gently curved from tip to base. It has an unusual look – I know you’re thinking well, yes, this whole line does – in that it’s not round. The Alien features a split head, and the split is evident to about halfway down the shaft.  The split isn’t  like two separate heads straining to be free, but more like a loaf of split-top butter bread. Just split enough to make the head wide and unusual looking. This makes the dildo wider than it is thick. From the front, the Alien is about 2” wide at the base of the head, while from the side it’s about 1 1/2″ thick. The lack of symmetry doesn’t make it harder to insert, but the sheer width may make it difficult for some. You’ll want to slather this cock with lube before trying to take this Alien inside.

alienheadThe Alien is made of silicone, and it has a slightly tacky, squishy surface. It’s got a good amount of give, and it’s very flexible, which should help with insertion. The light, veined texture is not felt nearly as much as it is with others in the Freaks line, since it’s so subtle.  The balls are wide and easy to grip for either gentle or vigorous thrusting.

As with all the Freaks, the Alien is easy to clean with soap and water, toy cleaner, or wipes (and should be cleaned both before and after use). It can also be boiled or run through the dishwasher on the top rack. Plenty of lube is necessary for the Alien – water-based works well, or you can use a silicone lube if you prefer (spot test near the base first). It can be stored in its box (although the box inserts won’t hold up to numerous openings and closings), upright on a shelf, or in a toy bag when not in use.

alieninhand2So, Does It Work?  I can definitely get my freak on with this Freak.  With a slathering of lube, and myself aroused, it’s not too difficult for me to insert. The gentle texture isn’t easily felt or overly stimulating inside, but the width certainly is. And I do love my thicker dildos. I don’t use this one anally, as it’s just too big, but if you’re adventurous, it might prove an interesting experience.

Both my partner and I like the base, as the balls make this easy to hold onto and control thrusting, whether it’s slow and deep or very vigorous.  I’d recommend this one for the design and color, especially if you like larger toys with lighter texturing.

Like the other Freaks dildos, the Alien can be a bit hard to find, but worth picking up if you see it!

The Alien is one of five amazing Freaks dildos, and it’s shown below (second from left) with, from left to right, the Dracula, Cyborg, Frankenstein, and Zombie.   All five will be reviewed this month!


This product was purchased by me with no expectation of review. This review is my opinion, and is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.

The Dead Don’t Just Walk…

freaksinboxesI’ll be reviewing all five of the Fleshlight Freaks dildos this month, because October seemed to be the perfect time to do so.  Fleshlight made five Freaks dildos in all,  each with a different design, and all fun for monster lovers.   All five come in a black box withe spooky green lettering and showcasing the Freak through the front.  They’re certainly not for everyone, but if you like unusual and textured large dildos, they’re definitely worth a look.  My first review for this month was for the Dracula, my newest acquisition. The Zombie was the first Freak I got, and made me want to get the rest.


This Zombie isn’t after your brains! The Zombie cock is great for those who like thicker dildos with heavy texturing and long insertable length, and, of course, who like zombies. Created in muddy brown silicone with attention to every vein and rip, the Zombie is at the least an interesting dildo to add to your collection, and at the best a marvelously textured dildo that will have you screaming for more…in a good way.

Zombies are more popular than ever, thanks in part to The Walking Dead – and season 3 premieres tonight! If you’ve ever fantasized about having sex with a well-endowed zombie, Fleshlight’s line of Freak dildos offers the Zombie cock for your pleasure. It’s not your brains it’s after! It likely won’t be the prettiest dildo in your collection, but its insane detailing and amazing texture from its tip to its balls will delight you during an evening of undead love. Although the Zombie is one of the smallest in the Freaks line, it will be best enjoyed, either vaginally or anally, by those who prefer some girth and insertable length (it’s the second longest).

zombieinhandIf you hate the ideas of zombies and rotting flesh, this isn’t the dildo you’ll want to get. The design is great, but you have to take this dildo in the spirit it’s offered in. The Zombie is brown – its color is best described as muddy or earthy (a nice touch). The detailing is accented with slightly darker brown, which accentuates every vein and tear.  This dildo stands 8 1/4″ tall, with about 7” insertable. It has a slight curve, so it may work for your g-spot even though the material is flexible. Length-wise, the Zombie is shorter than only the Frankenstein dildo.

At 1 3/4″ in diameter, the Zombie has one of the smallest girths of the line (no surprise, the Frankenstein holds this record as well), although that diameter isn’t exactly small. Combined with the texture, this makes the Zombie rather formidable, and it will be most enjoyable if you like both size and texture together in your toys.

The balls are thick and high (about 1 1/4″ high altogether), and the bottom is completely flat. It has some suction ability on a flat surface but, as the Zombie is on the heavy side, it won’t stay in place well on a shower wall. The balls do make it easy to grip the toy during vigorous thrusting.

The Zombie is made of silicone, so it’s hypoallergenic, nonporous, latex free and phthalates free. It has no odor or taste (fortunately that isn’t realistic!). The silicone is flexible and squishy to the touch, so the Zombie will move and flex with you. It has a bit of drag not due to the detailing, and is a touch…sticky.

zombieheadThe texture on the Zombie is phenomenal. The head is the lightest textured, but up and down the shaft run veins, lines, and missing, ripped “flesh” pieces. In places the Zombie looks like the flesh has…pulled or rotted away, so you see some of the muscle underneath. This missing skin detail extends down onto the balls. The Zombie is large enough that the texture is easily felt internally, even if it looks fairly mild, so if you are not a texture fan you won’t want this undead date.

With its perpetual erection, the Zombie stays hard and pleases till you’re done. It requires a good covering of lubricant due to the texture (a thicker waterbased lube will work best). The head isn’t so lipped as to cause pain during thrusting. Although it can be thrust while it’s held in any position, it’s a bit more comfortable when it curves into your front vaginal wall (balls down if you’re on your back, or balls up if you’re in doggy-style). However, since it does flex and move with your body, it can be used “upside down”, where the balls are positioned over your clit. If you can take the entire length, the balls provide pleasant pressure and sensation when thrusting.

It’s best to start slowly when thrusting with the Zombie – this will allow you to get used to the texture. Once you’re warmed up, faster thrusting works well.

Even with all of its detailing, the Zombie is fairly easy to clean. It can be washed before and after use with water and antibacterial soap, and allowed to air dry. You’ll want to work your fingers over the surface, or use a very soft brush, to make sure to clean all of the textured areas. The Zombie can also be boiled or run through the dishwasher on the top rack (no soap). Only waterbased lubes (thicker lubes work better) should be used. If you choose to use the Zombie anally, using a condom will make cleaning a lot easier.  The box can be used for storage, but only with the clear tray – the black tray is flimsier and will rip after some handling. The Zombie’s flat base allows it to be stored upright on a shelf; it can also be stored in a toy bag

zombieinhand2So, Did It Work?  This is quite an amazing dildo. Even though it’s not going to win any beauty contests, the texture is some of the best I’ve felt on a toy. The amount of veins and textured areas is something else. Even when I was fully aroused this dildo needed some lube, and Maximus worked a lot better than the first lube we used (it was just too thin). The Zombie wasn’t hard to insert, but I found out quickly that quick thrusting wasn’t the way to go to start out – it actually felt a bit uncomfortable. Once I’d adjusted to the size and texture, however, the harder, faster thrusting felt great.

My partner really liked the size and shape of the base. He found it easy to hold while he was thrusting this into me. His hands didn’t have to encircle the balls, and that was how we found that turning the Zombie so the balls were over my clit worked really well. He could keep control on the base and do very short thrusts – poundings, almost, and the whole Zombie package brought me to orgasm.

I think an enjoyment of zombies (not necessarily carnal) is needed to appreciate this dildo. It’s not pretty, and if you have an imagination you can picture what it might be attached to. Be that as it may, the size and texture really make this one stand out.

The Zombie is one of five amazing Freaks dildos, and it’s shown below (far right) with, from left to right, the Dracula, Alien, Cyborg, and Frankenstein.   All five will be reviewed this month!


Author’s note: This product was received for free in exchange for the review I wrote above, and the review was previously published  on another website which was granted non-exclusive rights to the content.  I am reposting it here with some modifications.

It’s A Real Hell-Raiser

freaksinboxesIt’s October, which seemed like the perfect time to review the Fleshlight Freaks dildos. Fleshlight made five of them, all differently designed and highly detailed, and all of them are perfect for the monster connoisseur. All five come in a black box withe spooky green lettering and showcasing the Freak through the front.  They’re certainly not for everyone, but if you like unusual and textured large dildos, they’re definitely worth a look.

dracaloneThe last Freak I acquired, and the first I’ll be reviewing, is the Dracula. This large silicone dildo comes in red. Not the bright, shiny, stop sign red, but a deep, dark, glittery, bloody red. Now this may remind you of a few things, some of which have been suggested to me. Personally, I don’t picture Dracula to be…well…bloody. I figure he’s undead, so his cock must be…well, paler. But what this does remind me of a lot is Frank Cotton.

If you don’t know who that is, Frank Cotton is one of the main characters in Clive Barker’s Hellraiser. He’s killed by the Cenobites in his lover Julia’s house, and when her husband cuts his hand in the same room where Frank was dragged to the bowels of hell, a drop of his blood seeps through the floor and reanimates Frank. He comes to life in bloody, skinless glory, and Julia has to invite men in for Frank to kill so he can re-form. He’s without skin until he kills his final victim, so he’s a man with his bloody muscles showing, and this looks like what his cock must have looked like, before it got some cover.


dracinhand2That may be a bit too much for some, and may squick you out, but if not, this Dracula cock is really nice to look at, and something you’ll want to sink your teeth into (figuratively). It’s the most normally shaped and textured of the group, although it’s not without texture of its own. It’s made of silicone that has a bit of squish when squeezed, and it has a bit of a sticky surface. The shaft is flexible to bend with you. It measures 7 1/2″ from tip to base (about 6″ of that is insertable), making it one of the shortest in the Freaks line (tied with the Alien), and it boasts a 1 3/4″ diameter. It has a realistic look, with a defined head. The shaft is covered with swirls that resemble bat wings from the side, and the head, balls, and front of the shaft have small dots for texture. The base is firm and easy to grip, and works well to hold onto and thrust with.

dracinhandDracula is easy to clean, and should be washed before and after use. Soap and water work well, as do toy wipes. Drac’s fine to boil for a few minutes or take a bath in the dishwasher for sanitization. It can be stored upright on a shelf, or in a toy bag – the box will work for a while, but the inner plastic is flimsy and is likely to break with repeated handling, plus the box is bulky.  While it doesn’t need to be kept in complete darkness, Dracula doesn’t like to sit out in the sunlight – go figure. An ample slathering of water-based lube is recommended for use – if you prefer silicone lube, test it out near the base to make sure that there’s no reaction.

So, Did It Work? I like this dildo. It’s got plenty of give, and it’s nice and filling. The texture is fairly mild, but enough to feel when I’m sliding it in and out. It’s pretty, in a strange way, and probably most appealing to those who like realistically shaped dildos with extra detailing and in unusual colors. Of course, you’re not going to be looking at it much when you’re using it.

dracheadI like the size and thickness of the base. It’s easy for both my partner and myself to grip and hang on to, and it feels great when my partner grasps the base and thrusts Dracula in me from behind up to its balls. The balls make contact with my clit, which adds to the stimulation. This is a bit on the large size for me to use anally, but vaginally it’s fantastic.

Whether you think of this as a vampire’s cock, or something from Hellraiser, it’s a fun and uniquely designed dildo. It is a bit hard to find, so if you see it pick it up! I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.

This product was purchased by me with no expectation of review. This review is my opinion, and is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.

Halloween Eve

The day before Halloween is finally here.  Lots of party, carnival, and trick-or-treating opportunities for tonight.

Last year we ended up with about 12 pounds of candy – can you believe it?  I couldn’t.  I think it lasted the whole year.

I’m dressing up a bit for work today.  Nothing extreme, but a little bit in the spirit of the thing.  Making some jello molds for later.  No, no schnapped penises, although they would fit into the theme.  I have other body parts – a brain, a heart, and a hand.  All lovely and life-sized, and ready to be cut with a scalpel to release the bloodbag inside.

If only it wasn’t so terribly cold.  With the temperature and the wind, it makes me cringe to actually be outside, even in the daytime.  We’re cutting back on the activities tonight, and hoping for warmer weather tomorrow.