When I think of protocol, the first thing that comes to mind is how computers exchange information. There’s a set of rules that facilitate the communication, and without the protocol, messages can’t be sent back and forth effectively, if at all.
I think of protocol somewhat similarly in kink relationships. Communication, and a set of rules, that make the relationship work. Which is probably a dry and short description, but it makes sense to me.
Our relationship is only really kinky in the bedroom. Back when we first started playing more heavily, we sat down and had a conversation about how kinky we’d be (open to later discussion), and where and how we’d express our kink. What we decided was that how we played in the bedroom would not be how we’d be in the rest of our lives. So, our day to day protocol is probably boringly vanilla to a lot of people, and not at all a kink protocol. While I love to do things for him, he loves to do things for me as well, and our exchanges are open and mutual, with no aspect of what I’d call real submission, just the joy of pleasing each other with simple acts and words.
In the bedroom, we have a much different protocol, and one that’s still evolving. Neither of us is really into switching. Although I’ve done it, and do it, on occasion, I much prefer to be submissive and have him be dominant and rough. When we play, the first order of business is always the collar. He doesn’t place it on me; rather, I place it on myself to symbolize that I’m his. He may tell me to do certain things, or use certain toys, and it’s not my place to question. The rule is simple: he “asks”, and I obey. Our protocols are pretty simple in how we act, and they have changed some since we began, but the main one is to be subservient to him.
Quite honestly, I love the behaviors, rules, and all that goes with it, and there are times I think it might be interesting to try it when we’re together in the house and not in public as a next step. This will be possible in a few years, and we may have to test the waters then and see what happens.